Two weeks of trial and blessings

I have been on bed rest for almost two weeks now.  Anyone who is or ever has been on bed rest before, you know have my complete respect.  It SUCKS!  Of course I will do whatever it takes to protect myself and baby, but it has been rough.

Monday-I was at the dentist office in Draper with the kids.  I was feeling pretty good.  We were just about done when I felt something leaking.  I didn't really think much of it until I stood up and felt more than a leak, it was a gush.  I ran to the bathroom and sure enough, LOTS of blood.  I grabbed the kids and went to the closest ER, which luckily, was only about 3 minutes up the road.  I was in full on hysterics.  I called Steve, who just happened to be off work that day, and I was bawling and screaming so much he had no idea what I was even saying.  I finally got it out and he met me as quickly as he could at the ER.  When I got there, no one else was in the waiting room.  No one was even at the front desk.  I was yelling for anyone to help me.  The receptionist came out and was so very nice.  I was frantic about the bleeding, the baby, and not sure what to do about my kids until Steve could get there.  She calmed me down and assured me she would watch them.  Two nurses immediately came and took me away.  My poor kids.  They were so scared and trying so hard to be tough.  They hadn't ever seen me in that kind of hysterics before. Heck, I don't think I had seen myself in that kind of hysterics before!

Turns out, the nice receptionist put them on a movie and gave them Rootbeer and snacks, coloring pages, and puzzles.  (Obviously I wasn't the first hysterical mom to bring kids to the ER alone!)  I was very grateful to her to say the least.  It only took Steve 20 minutes to get there but it seemed hours.
They put me in a gown, started an IV, took my blood pressure which was really low, hooked me up to monitors, and then just left me there to wait for the doctor.  I was bleeding a lot still and being alone scared me to death.  I couldn't stop bawling. I thought I had lost the baby for sure.  I couldn't even look at the blood.

The doctor came in shortly after Steve arrived and they took me to do an ultrasound.  Amazingly, the baby was there.  Kicking, heart beating, and measuring perfectly.  I still couldn't make myself look at the screen.  I guess I felt like I would get more attached to the baby and at that point, was still convinced there was no way it was staying in there with how much blood I had lost.  I was shaky and weak, but felt no pain, which was surprising to the doctors.  We had to wait a lot longer for another doctor to look at the ultrasound, and then get an internal exam.  There was so much blood they couldn't even tell where it was coming from or what was causing it.  Didn't leave me with any piece of mind.
We waited until the bleeding slowed down before we went home.  Still with no explanation except that I needed to stay in bed, and see my regular doctor as soon as possible. 

The bleeding lightened even more but the cramps started that night.  They told me that would happen.  Being so weak and upset, I slept most of the next day, as my doctor wasn't in until Wednesday.

Wednesday- Early in my pregnancy I had a subchorionic hematoma.  It caused cramping but I never bled like they usually do.  The found it during an ultrasound and the doctor said they usually just go away on there own.  That was at about 5 weeks.  He checked it again at 8 weeks and said it was gone and had likely just dissolved.   I thought that was the end of it.
While at my doctors, he did an ultrasound and could finally tell where the bleeding was coming from. He said it was likely caused from that earlier hematoma and it had caused some damage to the wall of the uterus.  He couldn't tell at this point the extent of the damage.  It was near where the placenta attached, but on the outside.  He said sometimes that damage can cause somewhat of a tear in the uterine lining and the placenta has a harder time attaching.  But that this can heal itself pretty easily this early in pregnancy. He put me on bedrest and said to come back to have it checked in two weeks. 
Bed rest when I am in school full time, is not what you want to hear.  Especially when I am in my last year and desperately want to finish.  I know it will only get harder to do so later.  So I did what any emotionally unstable pregnant woman would do- cried all day and called my mom. 

Thursday- Pulled myself together a bit, contacted all my professors, worked out a time with mom, Neisha, and Steve so that someone was almost always here with me to help with the kids.  Friends kicked in with dinners and I got to stay in bed.  Sounds nice right?  Ya, for about an hour its nice. Then I was ready to be done with the whole ordeal.  Luckily with all the support I have, it has made the past, almost two weeks, bearable.  My instructors have been amazingly supportive and I have been able to do much of my work from home.  Student teaching starts in November, so I am just praying I am able to complete that well.  My friends at school have helped by sending notes, recording class, and including me in groups over the phone.  They have brought freezer meals and ward and friends have as well.  Mom came up for several days, Neisha took over after that. Dave and Kate filled in the in between time when I had no one.  Steve was able to take some time off.  I feel very blessed and grateful for all the people that have pitched in to help us.  The kids have been very well behaved.  We haven't had hardly any issues with them.

So, after that long story, I am down to just 2 more days in bed and am feeling quite a bit better. No bleeding or cramping now.  I have a bad head cold and my body hurts, but that is nothing I can't handle.  It is times like this that it really becomes evident how blessed I am.  Not that I ever doubt it, but sometimes these big reminders really help to humble and realign priorities.  I am so thankful for all the people who have made these last two weeks bearable.  I am thankful that my body is healing and that this sweet little spirit is thriving.  I am thankful to have such a strong testimony to carry me through times of trial, fear, and doubt.  I am thankful to have the ability to hope, to see past today, and to believe in an all knowing God that knows far more than I do about myself.  I am thankful that my future is in His hands, because I am very aware that without Him, I am nothing.